the end of the line

This is the end,its a little late from schedule but who wants to end his journey this early?looking back when i was younger whenever an event make it a party,reunion,birthday or just simple get together of me and my family,i always get melancholy after.Yes,yes the feeling of being lonely for the reason that now matter how happy the event can get theres always an end to it,now when im about to end this conquest im longing for that sadness but none sinks into my heart.

Feelings,emotions,love,romantic love to be precise,i must say i did a pretty good job rejecting this type of love.Gone were the days i get infatuated so easily,ive decided long ago,to take this path i choose,i need to completely be invulnerable to every form of love.I rejected and forced myself to stop thinking about going into a relationship and got awesome results.Of course its not an easy task at first but after years of endurance it turns out to be quite useful,i mean there are perks to this as well,one is you get a huge amount of time to use on whatever you desire to do rather than flirting for hours,and to what activity did i made my extra time of use?

Games,console gaming to online or also known as MMOPRGs.When i was first introduced to console gaming by my cousin i found myself,a lot of people are having a hard time doing this but seriously i really found myself in it.Not that i hate other form of games,im pretty good at some actually,its just i prefer console gaming to almost anything for that matter.You may call me a gaming freak but the fact stays the same,the joy i get from it is something i couldnt write in words.MMOPRG stands for massively multiplayer online role-playing game or console game connected to other thousands of player.Console gaming rocks but what if youre playing with other thousands of players?this became my world,it revolves around this piece of shit,nothing is gonna stand and stop me from living on it and nothing ever did,its the best thing that ever happen to me,i dont care if playing does good or bad to me or anyone.

Good and evil,right vs wrong,everybody knows which is which but it boils down to our own personal decision,though im pretty sure both good and evil have already crossed our lives in many ways we cant even remember.Fate,what would it take to change human destiny?consumed by the whirling chaos of destiny,we humans,we’re unable to act as we truly desire.It is said that choices determine who we are or what we become,for me its not about being right or wrong,i prefer wrong though,its being able to choose,stand up for it and dealing w/ it,i firmly believe in that.Apparently i always end up taking the wrong choice,at first i tried to take a different path but then again i always wind up going for the alternate path i strayed away from.I dont know if its just me or this is my already written destiny,even though i never believe in destiny myself,i just cant find an explanation for this matter and even dragging a lot of people in this ridiculously pathetic path.

Path,direction,way,dream.I was in elementary when i first dream t of being a scientist,i was curious boy back then and loved scientific things.I could have been a decent scientist if a pursued it yet i did not go for it,high school days was the time my mind changed and wish to be a game developer or programmer or someone in those lines.Again if i did pursue my second dream it can exceed even my first and be really good at that job.College,i forgot how to dream,literally.A lot of people used to tell me i can do anything,im above average in almost everything including academics.Schooling doesn’t even make me sweat,seriously.What purge me to stop being a successful person?well theres gaming my number one most valued thing,next is booze and smoking and third is anime and forth is blah blah blah.No,none of those were the reasons i failed to dream,they contributed yes but not that much.Digging deeply into my wellspring of memory,it happened back when i was about 7 or 8 year old,as far as i remembered me and my cousins were playing and mimicking some group of crime fighters who serves for justice.Of course all of us wanted to be the heroes that got me thinking who will be the villain?why would i take my question seriously at that age when i only need to think about playing toys.I encountered the same idea back in high school when we were asked what course in college we would want to take,a lot of my classmates wanted to be a doctor,then i got back the eerie feeling back then and wondered what if all of them really did become doctors?I can picture it and its quite disturbing for me seeing all of them wearing white.In reality a lot of them did become nurses but it didn’t affect the balance of our community as i thought it would.Back to that time i did a little research and ended up knowing about norms or normality which is set by the community.That push me in to thinking someone somewhere in this one world a lot of people are doing the exact same thing i am doing every single day,there is a single unalterable path we all take.Wakeup every morning,go to school,go back home,will something eventually happen by doing this everyday?This got me thinking that my very existence is not essential or all important,and somewhere out there a lot of people progresses alike to me.From then on i want to deviate from the norms,i did a lot of stuff normal people wont,yes i gain a lot of attention but at the end of the day i didn’t change the fact that im still a regular,plain,ordinary,not much different from the others,human being.I even wrote about me deviating from the norms on my old blog way back year 2005,i wish i could read it now or quote it but alas the host closed on 2008.The third time ive encountered this eerie feeling of norms again is when i watched the series Haruhi Suzumiya,i got shocked when haruhi revealed she also felt the same way i did regarding norms,although shes a fictional character,that moment was one of my best ones,realizing not only i,for once,is having the same thought or this kind of dilemma.Now if someone asks me why i strayed away from the norm i can proudly say “i hate being normal,im tring to be different and i don’t regret any of this”.

Regret,dissatisfaction,lamentation,self-disgust,nostalgia.im gonna make this one short and fast,i dont regret on anything i did in life and if i were given a chance to go back in time to fix my mess ill use that to repeat this exact same shit just a little earlier.Lifre well spent.

Time.the one thing all of us lacks and doesn’t have enough of.I hate having my time wasted,i despise people who disregards time,i myself is aware of how much of it i have already wasted.Each of us was given a doze of it,yet we only realize its worth when we already lost it.A cancer patient who will only last for a month and an ordinary working person who is about to die in an accident next month,both have the same amount of time left but of course the patient cherishes his time more than the worker.They say live everyday as if it is your last,im saying is to you cause i failed to do it.

Family.I have the best family ever they have given me the best treatment as much as they could but what did i give them in return?i gave them nothing but trouble,sorry im bull crap.i keep hurting my family again and again.I feel sorry for myself that i cant do anything for my family,im an asshole,i’ve wasted their time and effort for me,enough reason to just forget about my existence.

The city will continue to change.Nothing can stay as is.That’s what it means to live.I wish to discuss my insights about everything in this single post but i ran out of time,i deserve to just disappear,im a good for nothing person.I failed to become part of the growing community,instead i became its trash.Im so thankful i made it this far,thank you all.

10-13-2010

Renewal: Dawn of the Enlightened Ones is Ragnarok Online’s latest update that promises to change the landscape of the Philippines’ first and longest-running MMORPG. The patch introduces the highly-anticipated 3rd Jobs, new character classes that are sure to give gamers exciting new reasons to mix it up in the fields of Rune Midgard. In addition, Renewal brings new game play features, new armors and items, and an increased level cap of 150, making it an event that Pinoy gamers shouldn’t miss. Players can begin their adventures in Renewal when the update launches on October 13, 2010.

“We’re very excited to introduce Episode 22: Renewal in Philippine Ragnarok Online,” says GM Shiro, pRO Senior Brand Manager. “The changes that will be brought about by this update will make for a more exciting game, and we can’t wait to see players enjoy the 3rd jobs and make Ragnarok Online the perfect place to go on epic adventures.”

Visit http://ragnarok.levelupgames.ph/episode22 to learn more about the upcoming Renewal patch. For the latest news and info from Level Up!, check out http://www.levelupgames.ph.

 

The most anticipated patch of ragnarok online is now here,although i waited for this episode for about 2 years already i dont feel quite good about it,just a few hours from now its gonna be patch here in pro.One of the reason i hate it is obviously the assassin class being nerfed for like OMGWTF im the god inb4 this patch,second a lot of my items wont be of any use in this episode and the last thing shuras are gonna own everyone.I love assassins but i hate monk,and the fact that they’re gonna own the pvp is definitely a bad thing for me.Level cap is not much of a problem,grinding all night long is my forte haha! Still enjoying the last of my sinx days as i post this one last this,FU gravity hahaha!

Zenonia 2

Zenonia 1 was good but 2 was definitely better,new game system,new jobs and pvp system!The game still haven’t  lost its humor touch from the first 1 and still gives player a sense of continuity for those who finished 1 .I have been playing this baby for  a month now.Yeah the graphics is a bit crappy compared to other i phone games but this is a really good RPG you wont regret playing already finished the game twice and still hunting for unique items needed for pvp,playing as ecne(shooter) btw.

here are some screenshots

next post square enix’s best game for the iphone platform Chaos Rings

nightmares

Last night i saw hell in my dream,its not the one described on the bible as a place with a lot of people burning in a fiery pit rather its like a train station with no trains on the entrance.As i venture inside i was shocked to find that no one except me is there unlike its threshold that is full of people and hell workers accommodating new comers.To describe what it looks like inside,think of an seemingly endless wheat field with no wheat and a roman style like building about the size of a 200 storey building.The time of the day was about sunset even though there was no sun,what terrified me was the building.The entrance for it was so dark nothing could be seen inside,i have met monsters,ghost and even unknown terrifying creatures on my past dreams before but nothing can match the feeling that the building gave me,i was trembling with fear standing in front of it.A friend grab my hand and the typical:”lets get out of here”line was used once again then my dream ended.I can still clearly picture that place in my head and it still give me the creeps when i do,ill remember that night, October 7 year 2010,forever.

misfortune

If i were to consider how much luck i have i can proudly say im so damn full of it,not by good but bad luck.Never in my life have a won a single thing in gambling,raffles or just about everything that can result to misfortune.Having a birthmark in my right hand explains it all,thats what my mother used to say when i complain about my luck.It is comparable to touma’s(index)level of unluckiness,so darn bad that i cant even win against a normal person with lower odds versus my OMGWTF almost sure win odds.Probability explains that having more tickets or bets will result a higher chance of winning,but not in my case at least.Yeah you may consider this as a rant post of how rotten my luck is,but when i think about its not really that bad being misfortune,looking back at those defeated moments makes me smile and whisper this two words to myself:”oh crap”then laugh like crazy,now thats something i wont get even from winning

angel beats

Normally i despise popular songs,tv shows,games etc. even animes(although i still watch them for the sake of my anime library data)i dont usually find popular anime interesting compared to unpopular ones.They usually score 3/10 at my scale nevertheless majority loves them like OMGWTF,yeah sorry bleach/naruto/one peace fans,fu.

Angel Beats,one of the top rated anime this year is one of them.A lot of forums where discussing so much about this bitch that i decided to watch it. .ok i like guns so the picture on ANN of a girl holding it entice me.

but dont get me wrong im not a  yurippe fan,i like yui more,a lot,shes my favorite character here.I love her so much i listen to all of her songs everyday like shit even if i don’t understand the fucking lyrics haha!

Going back to the anime,it was pretty good actually,not your typical life after death story + hilariously funny scenes,13 episodes but is really worth watching.I recommend it for anime and non anime fanatics,its an 8/10 for me.

lost my sim card

Why do most people prefer changing cellphone numbers from time to time?quite a number of my friends does this very frequently,i get a lot of reasons why they go for it and seriously almost all of them are not worth the effort and frustration you’ll receive from doing so.Just the idea alone of telling every single contact on your phone sounds too much work(not to mention the cost  )and the best part is your not the only one who gets annoyed but also that one person who you forgot to tell and is texting/calling that old number of yours like crazy but doesnt get a fucking reply.Yes,i hate changing my damn number thats why i always kept it safe even if i get robbed i will beg for my sim card more than my pants.Ive been using it for more than 5years already and almost all my contacts are already listed on my chikka id.Maybe you were wandering how i lost it while my cellphone remains perfectly fine?To make the story short i fail.(look at the picture below,describes it all)

ps if youre reading this and have my old number in your contact list please delete it.I will try to update everyone when i get a new one,too lazy to buy one.

As my walking stride grows bigger
I grow farther away from my dreams
I try changing the direction I walk, spinning around

It’s a little bravery, but it’s always here
I found it in my childhood days
I’ll bring along my individuality, trapped in the deep darkness and completely scared

The flowing scenes all resemble one another
And for some reason, I yawn
Let’s go search for the next door at the sky’s yonder

Riding on a little boat, I’ll unfurl its big sails
The wind blows in the great, sunny sky
Because you’re me and we’re always together, believe in your individuality

What are my palms for?
Are they for advancing on the steep road?
If that’s so, then certainly someday
I’ll grasp the trophy known as glory!

It’s a little bravery, it’s really tiny
But it’s something amazing, filled with ambition
Light shines into the darkness I was trapped in and it vanishes like daybreak

Because you’re me, you’re also me, and we’re together
Let’s go see the end of our journey

Let it all out
Let it all out
I don’t have to act tough,right?
The scribbling someone made…
On the wall,of a flower is swaying.
No one knows their true selves.
Even though we both lose and gain,
By embarking on this long,long path.
And though there may be days loneliness strikes and makes us weep…
Lets transfrom our tears and pains to stars.
Lets light a candle to illuminate our tomorrow.
And we’ll hold our small hands over the fire to create stardust.
And an eternity that shines so brilliantly.
Farewells may be unavoidable.
Yet the seasons continue to change obliviosly.
Even if I lose myself.I’ll continue to walk…
Walk by your side.
That’s the one thing I’d like to never change.

Life is still too long for me to want to erase these feelings.
I want to try and redo those things I left undone.
We were supposed to be going after the continuation of our dreams,
but we trip over people on that bent,narrow path.
It’s not like we want to return to these times,
we’re just looking for these skies we’ve lost.
Stop making that face,
as if you “sacrificed yourself just so I’d understand.”
A sin doesn’t end with tears,
you have to suffer and carry the burden forever.
Who are you waiting for in the labyrinth of your emotions,
with no exit in sight?
As I spelled them out in this blank notebook,
I want to release my true feelings more and more.
What do you want to escape from?
That thing called “reality”?
Makes me want to scream that we live on to make our wish come true,you hear me?
No way we can stay on the safe side,
so we don’t even have a place to go back to.
I’m always thankful for kindness,
so I want to become strong.(I’m on the way)
I’m feeling nostalgic.
I’ll even welcome that pain.